Me, a mop

That's how I have been feeling of late. I have been cleaning other people's mess. Too often lately. What was supposed to be a jump-in-improve-it-jump-out assignment is now turning into a go-improve-it-more situation. I am stuck there. All because I did a good job, apparently. And because quote the client likes you and she is very comfortable with you unquote. So I guess if I were a real mop, I would have been one of those super power mop like the sell on those shopping channels on tv. My colleague said that I am too expensive to be a mop, so I guess I should then become the four thousand ringgit vacuum cleaner I just borrowed from Yat last weekend. The one that uses water filtration instead of the normal bag. That one did a really good job on my Persian - half a carpet of vacuuming and the water turned entirely black! Yikes. I digressed. Back to me, the mop. So I guess doing too good a job is also not good. Take my advice, do mess up once in a while. :(

Prediction

My horoscope for today, how true:

There is a growing fog of pessimism hovering over you today, so you had better take out your optimism umbrella and shield yourself from the downpour! In order to see the sunnier side of things, you need to realize that the things you've been working on are much farther down the road of progress than you realize. Before doing anything too rash, wait this day out -- soon you'll see more encouraging signs. Hold on and just keep thinking positively.

Vanity with limits

Is there such a thing as vanity with limits? Do the two words go together? I, for one, am perplexed by this concept. And by my own doing actually, which has triggered this thought of whether this concept is feasible. I just signed up for this facial treatment that is a power-packed treatment that delivers supposedly a pure doseage of vitamin C and AHA to my face and it is supposed to reduce the wrinkles and the sagging skin. Trying to defy my age. The facial lady adeptly used key phrases that she knew would throw me into fits of insecurity that will last half of my lifetime – “tired”, “inconsistent skin tone”, “bags under the eyes”… And of course I fell for it, and signed up for a package, for an amount of money that will actually cause more wrinkles when I get the credit card bill. But that wasn’t my point. My point is that I will try as hard as possible to defy age with all these treatments, but I am totally against going under the blade, or injecting anything into my body for the purpose of maintaining my looks. Hence my question on whether there is such a thing as vanity with limits. Not that I am scared of the knife or the needles, or the cost – because if you calculate how much I have spent on trying (key word – trying) to maintain my skin to look young, I could probably go under the knife a few times. So, is there such a concept?

I know I sound like I should be in the Bergdof Blondes novel by now. There goes my reputation.

A tie that binds

The apartment's construction is completed. I received the letter informing me of that yesterday. The apartment with two names on the title deed. The apartment that took me a long while, a very long while, to agree to purchase. Not because I do not like it. But because of the commitment of buying a property together with someone. The implications that come with it. The what ifs. It's finally ready. And I still don't know whether I can face the implications when they come. I just hope they don't come. I did it all because of you. For you.

The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store

Why can't I ever find them on the shelves? :)

Card 1
I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life…
(Inside card) -I've changed my mind.

Card 2
I must admit, you brought religion into my life….
(Inside card) -I never believed in Hell until I met you.

Card 3
As the days go by, I think how lucky I am….
(Inside card) -That you're not here to ruin it for me.

Card 4
Congratulations on your wedding day!…
(Inside card) -Too bad no one likes your husband.

Card 5
Someday I hope to marry…
(Inside card) -Someone other than you.

Card 6
Happy Birthday! You look great for your age….
(Inside card) -Almost lifelike!

Card 7
When we were together, you said you'd die for me…
(Inside card) -Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

Card 8
We've been friends for a very long time…
(Inside card) -What do you say we stop?

Card 9
I'm so miserable without you…
(Inside card) -It's almost like you're still here.

Card 10
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy….
(Inside card) -Did you ever find out who the father was?

Card 11
You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket…
(Inside card) -I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

Card 12
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia .)

Card 13
Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder…
(Inside card) -What was I thinking?

Courtesy of Chris F.

Philosophy made simple part 2

The thing about my philosopher-turned-shoppaholic friend is that she was so easy to take care of during her visit. Between me and another good friend, the 100-spoken-word-per-minute-amazing-mother-of-3, we cracked our heads to come up an itinerary that will, in our concept paper, give a finely balanced journey of the artistic, cultured, philosophical (that word keeps creeping up), randy, metropolitan, rural, domestic, familial, single-life experience to appeal to our friend, well-known to be someone who is interested in all facets of everything she runs into. In other words, we crammed a thousand and one things into her 6-day stay. We were so nervous that she would not be able to experience enough of the right things. She, the guru of philosophy at a renowned institution who had lived her life in many places exotic and barren, will need a lot of interesting things to stimulate her wandering mind. Or so we thought. When she did arrive, the things that impressed her most were the simple things that we had taken for granted. See my previous story (I can’t help repeating myself here :)). So all the frustration that my 100-word friend went through for not being able to book tickets to the philharmonic orchestra (they were on their summer break), the theatre (also on summer break), and me for not being able to come up with anything artistic apart from the IAMM (see http://www.iamm.org.my/) evaporated literally. The trip turned out to be one of eating, shopping, more eating, more shopping, oh, fashion show too, and errr….fridge magnets. I never realized that fridge magnets come in so many different shapes. We miss you. :D

Philosophy made simple

The philosopher-turned-shoppaholic good friend of many many years's visit deserve more than a mention here, although that has been more than a month ago. It's the thought of recording her reactions to her first ever visit to this side of the world that has shaken me out of my silence from these pages. What's amazing is not so much the fact that she finds everything amazing and different, but it is the fact that she managed to inject that renewed vigour into old me to look at things from a different angle completely. It invigorated my tired soul to realise the simple pleasures that I have managed to drop off my existence in my quest for I don't quite know what. Like the simple pleasures of getting amazed by the coconut trees. Or the rubber plantations. Or mosques. And of course, the fridge magnets. What really did amaze me was the ability of her luggage to balloon up to 41 kilos at the end of the trip. Go girl!

What do I want?

What do you say to people who come up to you and tell you that you deserve better than what you have and that you should strive to get something better? All when you feel that you are okay with what you have, in fact you are even happy with what you have! Do people actually know what you want? Or are they assuming that what they have (or what they say you should have) is the thing that is best for you? They mean well, I am sure they do, but I think they err in thinking that they know what you want. Or who you are in the first place. I have made that same mistake one time too many, freely gabbing my advice away to people, sometimes without even being asked, and I am learning not to do that. Who knows what ticks deep down in my heart? Who knows what I want for myself? Who knows what past have I got that has shaped me into what I am, or what I am not? Who knows that the thing that people say is not good for me, that I deserve better, is what it seems to be? The point is, I don't even know what I want at times. Make that a lot ot times. And I am still trying to find out.

Back Again

I hate it when I can't seem to find the right words to put on this page even though I have many thoughts that I want to put down. I know I have disappointed a couple of readers (wow, it feels good to say that - like I have many! :) ) who have been wondering whether this blog is dead. It isn't, it's just that my writing mood is not so alive. It has been 4 months since the last entry. And nothing significant has happened in the last 4 months I guess. No, I shouldn't say that. Many things of significance happened, but I couldn't put the thoughts down. May be I was burying my emotions - didn't want to think too much lest I become the old emotional me. A dear friend's father passed away, and through the period before the death, and after too, I too was affected. I felt his sadness, the pain of not being able to more than just to comfort his father. I felt his hollowness when the inevitable happened. I felt his grief. I don't know whether he saw it in my voice (as our contacts have been limited by phone calls) but I grieved too. It reminded me of the frustration, pain and grief I felt when I was losing my grandma and my sister. and I kept telling him that only time will heal and what will be left behind are the sweet memories of the departed. A cliche I know, but I went through it not once but twice and it really was like that. I guess God equipped us with that ability to sift and retain only the good memories. I saw 3 deaths of family members of people around me in the span of 3 days a couple of months ago, his dad's included. I saw the pain in each family. I am reminded of what I went through. And of how fragile I am. My only wish when I go is that I go peacefully, and I don't inconvenient others I leave behind. And that I will be forgiven for my errs.